Letting Go
by La'rosh
Summary: Lt. Col. John Sheppard has a difficult decision to make. very mild Sparky, I think you could ignore it if you must


_This is a rather sad little fic I wrote for a school assignment last year. Before you ask what kind of assignment involves writing an Atlantis fic, 1) I'm homeschooled so things are a little more leniant, and 2) the question was to write a story about a difficult decision, so I decided to use my beloved Stargate as a base. I rediscovered this fic while idly poking around my hard drive, and thought it deserved to up here._

_And no, my other fic, _Reality Bites_, is not dead, I've just taken one of my extremely long breaks again. Hopefully, this little guy will keep you happy for a while as I work on that._

_La'rosh_

**Letting Go**

John Sheppard sat, deep in thought, at his desk. No, that wasn't right. He could never think of it as _his_ desk, no matter how hard he tried. Not when the things on it, the office around it, the simple surface reminded him of no one but her. As much as he might be seen as leader in his own right, the expedition team, including himself, would always be loyal to Dr. Elizabeth Weir. Unfortunately, she had been snatched from them much too soon.

Three months earlier, on a routine trade mission, things went terribly wrong. On a tour of the planet with its dignitaries, they came across an interesting anomaly from which Rodney was recording energy readings. Before they knew it, a strange device appeared on the wall, and sucked the person closest to it in, which happened to be Elizabeth. Even after the last few months, they had made little progress in the study of the site. Even now, the blank wall concealing their link to their friend and leader was frustratingly quiet.

So, after returning from the ill-fated mission, John took up the routine once held by Dr. Weir. He had to admit, he had gained a new appreciation for what she did for them and the city. But, no amount of enlightenment could hinder the need for Elizabeth to be back in that chair doing what no one could do better, where they needed her, where he needed her. They were no closer to getting her back than they were three months ago, and the situation was only getting worse.

That morning, he had woken up to the news that the Wraith were on their way to attack Atlantis once again. Surprisingly, that in itself was the least of his worries. They had fought them off before, they could do it again. What's more, they now had three ships at their disposal for defense. No, the problem was, he needed all his personnel here ready to fight, including those still working tirelessly on the shred of hope they maintained that they were eventually get Elizabeth back. It was leave the city more vulnerable or give up on his friend and boss.

Leave no one behind, that was the military's rule to live by. What would that make him if he had to give up his search so that he could save the lives of all those under his command. Or maybe that wasn't the real reason. In the end, he couldn't bring himself to call it off, to pound the last nail in the coffin that was his (and the Atlantians') hope that they would ever see her again.

How was he supposed to make this decision? The only question to ask was, what would she do? She would defend the city and he knew it. That didn't make it any less hard to give up, to let go. But, no matter what, he knew it was the right thing to do. It was what she would have wanted.

Finally breaking his trance, he looked up to see Dr. Carson Beckett standing in the doorway watching him.

"I know how hard a decision this must be for you," he said, not with grating, "wouldn't want to be you" sympathy, but simple statement of fact, which John appreciated very much. Sometimes he wondered how Carson seemed to always know what was needed, but then again he was a doctor. He made his special assignment to look out for all of them.

"I know what Elizabeth would want. She would want me to call the personnel back. But that doesn't make it any easier."

"Just because you're calling off the investigation doesn't mean you're giving up on her."

"You're probably right."

"Follow your heart. I have every confidence that you'll make the right decision."

"Thanks, Carson. I really appreciate that."

With that, Dr. Beckett headed back for the infirmary, and John followed him out the door not too long after, walking to the control room."

"Open a wormhole to P5R-619," he told the technician, in as collected a voice as he could muster.

"Sir?"

"We're calling our people back. They're needed here."

There was a pause, and finally, "Yes, sir." John felt like thanking the young man for his unquestioning compliance and understanding. They all knew that of any of them, this was hardest on Col. John Sheppard. Lieutenant Colonel. He had to laugh. He'd still be a Major if it weren't for her.

After his quick comm. with his people on the planet, he headed back up to his office. Her office, he corrected. He was finally at peace with his decision. Carson was right, he wasn't giving up on her. Not until every shred of her memory was gone from Atlantis would the hope die.


End file.
